I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize