dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
