I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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