Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
