y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I didn't shave. On purpose
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
