I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
