Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
