And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
