I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
They have beer where we have blood.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
