just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
