so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
