and you said cock pushups were impossible
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
