i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
