Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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