Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
