Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
