dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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