I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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