I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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