I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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