Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Randomize