hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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