I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
