And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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