You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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