That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
