bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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