Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
