I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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