i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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