This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
