So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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