This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
