there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
