Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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