You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I could make wine with my vomit
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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