You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
