I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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