I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
