Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
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