She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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