Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
