toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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