Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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