just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Randomize
