Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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