bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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