Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
