I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
