I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
