I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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