see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
