i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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