I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
