You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
