when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Sponge bath it is.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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