This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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