Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
