Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
