i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
