He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize