my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
