Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
