It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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