Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize