I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
