I'm going to jail i love you
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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