Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
