If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Did I show you my penis last night?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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