so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
