a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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