Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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